


The Reason

by Oneandonlylila



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Musical but not quite a musical, Song Lyrics, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 00:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8266193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oneandonlylila/pseuds/Oneandonlylila
Summary: Bucky has decided it's best for Steve if he left. And that's exactly what he does. 
Entire fic is inspired (and was used for majority of this fic) by the song The Reason covered by Chase Holfelder.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My best friend (alyse_b) proofread this and said it reminded her of a musical, which makes sense lol Whether you read it like a musical, or play the song as you read through the ficlet, or just read it in complete utter silence, I hope you enjoy :)

"I'm not a perfect person." 

Steve stared at Bucky, both frozen in place in the foyer. Bucky had a duffle bag slung on his back and his smaller backpack he usually used in his left hand. He had a pained look on his face, which reflected what displayed across Steve's face as well.  

"There's many things I wish I didn’t do. But I continue learning." 

Bucky's eyes fell to his hands as he whispered, "I never meant to do those things to you." 

"Bucky, where is this coming from? What's going on?" Steve trailed off, the last word only a whisper as he felt his heart begin to beat faster.  

Ignoring the questions from his best friend, he went on, "I need to say this..before I...go. I just want you to know that I've found a reason." 

"A reason?"  

"A reason for me to change who I used to be." Bucky shakedly ran his fingers through his hair and spread a nervous smile over his perfect lips. Steve couldn’t help but to smile back, despite the panic running through his veins as he sees his one true love at the door with packed bags.  

"A reason to start over new..." Bucky couldn’t look him in the eyes when he spoke. He knew what he was saying was confusing. But he felt the need to say something. To try to get it out of him as to why he needs to leave. Why he needs to let Steve continue on without him. At least for now.. Until he can be a better Bucky. For Steve.  

Steve stepped forward, but before he could get close enough, Bucky stepped back quickly. Taking a deep breath, he placed his flesh hand over his mouth as he continued, avoiding Steve's gaze. "I'm sorry that I hurt you." 

Bucky closed his eyes as he continued. "It's something I must live with every day. And all the pain I put you through. I wish that I could take it all away." 

It was clear that by now they were both on the brink of tears. It was a matter of who broke first. Both were shaking, Steve's hands at his sides, his chest rising at an alarming rate as if a panic attack could surface at any moment. Bucky's metal arm kept shifting out of anxiety, his fingers flexing where he was gripping tightly to his backpack. His lip was quivering, and he was worrying it, surprisingly it wasn’t bleeding with how much he'd been biting his lower lip.  

They both stood silently for what seemed like hours but could have only been seconds. Bucky finally looked up at Steve, seeing how distraught his lover was. Steve took one long stride, ending up directly in front of Bucky, who saw a single tear streaming down his cheek.  

With his flesh hand, he lifted his finger to meet the tear on Steve's cheek and choked out, "And be the one who catches all your tears. That’s why I need you to hear." 

Steve leaned into Bucky's hand, closing his eyes and inhaling the scent of what was Bucky Barnes, his best friend, his world, his love.  

"I have to say this before I go." Steve opened his eyes when Bucky spoke again, his expression showing panic even more clearly. 

"But I just got you back," his voice cracked as he was trying to keep ahold of himself. Steve's composure was crumbling as the seconds ticked by. His eyes were welled in tears, obstructing his view of this perfect human who was his boyfriend. His one true love.  

Bucky's face was streaming with tears as he looked at Steve, hating himself for causing so much more pain, but knowing this was the only way. "I've found a reason to show a side of me you didn’t know. A reason for all that I do."   

Letting go of Steve's face, he stepped back against the door. Steve could feel his heart beating so fast he was worried it would break out of his chest. As Bucky let go of him, he felt himself whimper as the tears finally escaped his lids. The smile that crept onto Bucky's lips wasn’t reaching his eyes, and that made Steve feel like he was going to die.  

"And the reason is you." Bucky whispered after he had walked out, his last words painstakingly escaping his lips.  

  Steve fell to the floor, his heart tearing into pieces as he cried out for Bucky. He knew it was no use to go after Bucky, so he sat on his knees in the foyer, his cheeks wet from his tears, his hands shaking as they rested on his thighs. Looking at the door through blurry eyes, he whispered, "When you find you, come back to me."


End file.
